Dear Vaati
by Mishieru Hime
Summary: Ganondorf writes a letter to Vaati about his experience in Smash Mansion. Written for KoopalingFan's contest.


**I don't own any 3rd party content. Insert more legal stuff here.**

* * *

Vaati was doing the usual action of finding the Light Force. A postman in a red hat arrived at his castle and slipped a letter in his hand. He ran off fearing for his life. Curious, the transformed Minish removed the gold Gerudo logo seal from the envelope and took out the letter.

"Oh Ganondorf. I hadn't heard from him in a while ever since the Four Swords incident. At least he's nice to catch up on life with me." Vaati thought. He unfolded the letter to read it.

* * *

Hello Vaati,

Sorry for not communicating with you for a while, the Super Smash Bros tournaments had been taking a lot of my time. It's a high paying job, but it isn't easy ever since Mewtwo left the tournaments for a job offer. He now works for Master Hand at the end of the season, by brainwashing almost everyone into signing the contracts for the Brawl Tournament. While Pichu and Young Link resisted the brainwashing and declined, Roy wasn't asked to renew his contract, because of his habits of being a pyromaniac. Too bad they replaced him with that Ike guy, which at least makes Princess Marth happier.

Before Brawl, the trio was me, Bowser, and Mewtwo. Then some newcomers from a variety of backgrounds arrived here. First, there was Wario. He's a fat and greedy person who has an obsession for coins, like that Tingle guy. I remembered the time when he double-crossed us for a single dollar. He smells horrible because of his bad hygiene. I don't mind his garlic breath, but not using deodorant is a big deal. We already kicked him from the group one week later, and we're planning to complain to Master Hand about his hygiene.

Next, we accepted Dedede as a member. He's a fat penguin who dresses up like if it's winter in Smashville. The summer temperatures there are 90 degrees Fahrenheit, and none of us can see a single bead of sweat on his forehead. Just like Kirby, he has a massive appetite for food, and he was the reason why Smash Mansion doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. They inhale everything on the table, burp and leave the room like if it didn't happen. Ever since Master Hand changed the cafeteria system, I think he might let us celebrate Thanksgiving again.

Like I said in the introduction, Young Link left Super Smash Bros. to return back to Hyrule, but they replaced him with a bug eyed freak version of him. Master Hand calls him "Toon Link", but I call him "Torture in a can" when he isn't around. Just like Young Link, he destroys the pots that sit around the lawn, but at least he can do a better job at lawn mowing than Link or Young Link. Outside of that, he's a nuisance around Smash Mansion. Toon Link runs around causing chaos with Ness and Lucas (another newcomer) at a breakneck phase, ruining most of the teen and adult Smasher's day.

Master Hand had managed to bring two non-Nintendo characters over to Smash Mansion. Those two characters are Snake and Sonic. Sonic is OK, but he's like the new Roy, except he runs around yelling "YOU'RE TOO SLOW!" and taunting people about their speeds.

I actually have respect for Snake. He introduced me to those sticks called "cigarettes". You light them on fire and stick them in your mouth, making it feel nice. But he overreacts sometimes. I accidentally touched his box once. So he yelled at me in front of everyone in the room for 5 minutes about "personal space".

The only member newcomer and I can tolerate is Wolf. Sure he's stubborn sometimes, but he's a really cool person. He taught me how to build my own Landmaster (aka some flying ship). I think I'll take it on a test run when I return back to Hyrule and shoot everyone who opposes me.

Since I have time, I'm going tell you how it's like to live in Smash Mansion. The food here is really delicious. Before, Master Hand used to serve meals on a giant plate to help ourselves. After a couple Smashers complained about some of their tablemates being greedy, he changed it so each person gets his/her own tray of food (main course, two sides and a dessert). In addition to 3 meals a day, he also stocked the fridge with some of our favorite treats.

The room system is slightly unfair to some people. While me, Peach, Zelda and any other royalty get the big and luxurious rooms, everyone else either gets a smaller room or have to share with someone else. But who cares anyway? I've also attached pictures of my room so you can see what it looks like.

Master Hand had also built some rooms for leisure purposes. Underneath the mansion, there are multiple rooms. One of the rooms is a cinema. Master Hand recently bought a popcorn machine and some leather seats for the room. Other rooms he built are some gyms, a rock climbing wall, zip lines, miniature golf rooms, obstacle courses, a sauna, an indoor swimming pool and hot tub, and video game arcades. Seriously, Master Hand went overboard. There's this one games room Marth sponsored, it's a deluxe games room with a variety of video, board, and tabletop games. Master Hand has no authority over the room, so Marth makes up the rules and kicks anyone out for swearing. Sadly, most of the things in the room are occupied except for the board games. No one plays the board games except for Nintendo Monopoly.

I guess I should get back to training and having a smoke with Snake. Tell the Deku scrubs that I'm still working on expanding their forest. It should be done in around 6 months.

Ganondorf, the King of Evil

_This message is from the great Ganondorf, the Supreme King of Evil and Gerudos._

* * *

Vaati folded the letter and placed it on his desk. He dug into the giant envelope for the photos Ganondorf attached. It came out after Vaati got frustrated and ripped the envelope. He looked at the picture.

The room looked big and spacious. The walls were painted black with some red trim, while the floors were made out of dark stone masonry. To make up for the dark and deary room, Ganondorf had bought some bright lights. The furniture were made from a dark wood, while the neat bed was near the sides. An organ was in the room, ready to be played. Beside the organ was a bookshelf with some songbooks.

He grabbed a piece of paper and an ink quill, and began writing his letter to Ganondorf.

"Dear Ganondorf,

Thanks for your reply…"


End file.
